Delusions of Grandeur

In general, most of the people I know lead very quiet, safe lives.  I include myself in this, most emphatically.  We have jobs, we have vehicles, we have routines we follow day after day, week after week, bills to pay, vacations to enjoy, dreams to dream.  And there's nothing wrong with that, except that it tends to breed self-reliance.  I'm so glad I have this job that pays for my rent and my food, and a maybe a little extra to put by for when the car starts making that weird noise (seriously, did my car just sneeze?).  We turn to God for the big stuff, when a tree falls on our house or a family member gets sick, or something threatens our self-reliance.

This is part of what I like so much about traveling.  When I'm in a foreign city, whether it's 700 or 7,000 miles from home, I've got nothing.  I remember climbing into a taxi one night on the opposite end of Kathmandu from where I needed to be, and saying, "Thamel chowk." (A 'chowk' is an intersection, and easier than trying to identify the tiny alley down which my hotel can be found.)  The driver, who'd been sitting in a dark car near a dark gas station off a busy road, nods and agrees.  The only English he seems to know is "600 rupees--good price!"  I disagree, we haggle, and then I climb into the taxi and we drive off through a dark city.  There are few lights, no street signs, and with the sun down I couldn't tell which way was North or South if my life depended on it.  I'm completely at the mercy of this cab driver, who is likely a decent guy, but it's after dark and a foreign city and I'm a female alone.  There really is only one thing to do, which is pray.  And pray I do, until the bright lights and increased foot traffic indicate the nearness of tourist-town Thamel.

And then I come home, and say, "Thanks, God, that was fun--but I've got this now."--and go back to my delusion that I've got everything under control.  The last few months have been educational, or perhaps reeducational, in that I've had to learn to let go again.  I'm no more in control now than I was climbing into that taxi, I just seem to be.  It's time to let go of my delusions of grandeur, as C-3PO put it, and turn it all back over to God.  He's a big God; he can handle it.