Dear Me,
It’s hard. You knew
it was going to be hard, so don’t wimp out now and whine that you didn’t know
it was going to be this hard, because
you did know. And it almost stopped you
from making a decision that needed to be made, to make a move that needed to
happen. Because yes, change is
hard. Remember the year of
dreaming? And the year after that, of
fund-raising? And the year after that, when you actually went overseas and met
incredible, life-changing people? And
how you missed out on deaths and babies and family, because you were following
what God told you to do? IT WAS WORTH
IT. It was hard, but it was worth it.
I’ll say it once more, in case you try to “But—”: IT WAS WORTH IT. Even if it was only for three years, even if
you’re tired, and lost, and wondering what was the point of it all if it was
only going to be such a short time, and how can you possibly go on when your
family—not your blood family, but your faith family—is half a world away and
going on with their lives without you, and you CHOSE to leave that behind,
thinking you were simply obeying the voice of God—honey, it was WORTH IT. And you are WORTH IT. You may never know this side of eternity whether
or not you had an impact on any of the people you encountered, but you know for
sure they had an impact on you. Because
you no longer fit into the hole you left behind. The you that left is not the you that came
back. You are a better you, and it will
take time before you figure out what your new role will be, whether here or
gone again, and you need that time to rest and recover and remember all the
amazing things God has done for you, and to mourn the loss of friends that yes,
you may never see again on this earth, but they are forever friends,
regardless, and the loss of a country that was beautiful and loving even while
it was crazy and inefficient and honestly, you didn’t expect to miss dust and
pollution and traffic jams, or visa struggles or stomach bugs—okay, so you
don’t really miss all of those, but they were part of the package of place and
purpose, and now they’re gone and you don’t know what you’re going to do
without them.
Breathe. In,
out. Again. Take a moment, and remember who God is. He is the God who provided over and above
when you asked for finances. He is the
God who gave you relationships and friendships deeper than any you’d
experienced before. He is the God that
took you halfway around the world, and then took care of you, protected you,
and blessed you for three years. He will not stop, now that you’ve obeyed him
once more.
So hold on. Yes, it
hurts; yes, it’s hard; and yes, it feels like there could never be anything
like it again—but your purpose has not changed.
And while those changes the last three years have wrought in you are for
your good, you yourself are still what you were before: a child of the
everlasting God. And God has not
changed. Even if you can’t see the path
beneath your feet, even if you are walking blindly down the road of life, God—the
God who preserved you over and over again, will not abandon you now. Hold on, child of God. Hold on.
With love,
Me
