Returning to...normalcy?

Dear Me,

It’s hard.  You knew it was going to be hard, so don’t wimp out now and whine that you didn’t know it was going to be this hard, because you did know.  And it almost stopped you from making a decision that needed to be made, to make a move that needed to happen.  Because yes, change is hard.  Remember the year of dreaming?  And the year after that, of fund-raising? And the year after that, when you actually went overseas and met incredible, life-changing people?  And how you missed out on deaths and babies and family, because you were following what God told you to do?  IT WAS WORTH IT.  It was hard, but it was worth it.

I’ll say it once more, in case you try to “But—”:  IT WAS WORTH IT.  Even if it was only for three years, even if you’re tired, and lost, and wondering what was the point of it all if it was only going to be such a short time, and how can you possibly go on when your family—not your blood family, but your faith family—is half a world away and going on with their lives without you, and you CHOSE to leave that behind, thinking you were simply obeying the voice of God—honey, it was WORTH IT.  And you are WORTH IT.  You may never know this side of eternity whether or not you had an impact on any of the people you encountered, but you know for sure they had an impact on you.  Because you no longer fit into the hole you left behind.  The you that left is not the you that came back.  You are a better you, and it will take time before you figure out what your new role will be, whether here or gone again, and you need that time to rest and recover and remember all the amazing things God has done for you, and to mourn the loss of friends that yes, you may never see again on this earth, but they are forever friends, regardless, and the loss of a country that was beautiful and loving even while it was crazy and inefficient and honestly, you didn’t expect to miss dust and pollution and traffic jams, or visa struggles or stomach bugs—okay, so you don’t really miss all of those, but they were part of the package of place and purpose, and now they’re gone and you don’t know what you’re going to do without them.

Breathe.  In, out.  Again.  Take a moment, and remember who God is.  He is the God who provided over and above when you asked for finances.  He is the God who gave you relationships and friendships deeper than any you’d experienced before.  He is the God that took you halfway around the world, and then took care of you, protected you, and blessed you for three years. He will not stop, now that you’ve obeyed him once more.

So hold on.  Yes, it hurts; yes, it’s hard; and yes, it feels like there could never be anything like it again—but your purpose has not changed.  And while those changes the last three years have wrought in you are for your good, you yourself are still what you were before: a child of the everlasting God.  And God has not changed.  Even if you can’t see the path beneath your feet, even if you are walking blindly down the road of life, God—the God who preserved you over and over again, will not abandon you now.  Hold on, child of God.  Hold on.

With love,

Me